NOVEMBER 2001- I started
researching weight loss surgery a few years ago, but because I kept having children and lack of insurance, I just could never
get it started. Doubtful that Medicaid would pay for this surgery, I still called Dr. Todd's office to see if I could get
an appointment. They stated that they could get me in on January 9th, but that I would need a letter/referral from my
personal physician stating that I needed weight loss surgery before they could see me. They also stated that Medicaid was
paying for more and more of these surgeries, so I felt hopeful! I did not have a regular doctor, so I went and saw a
new doctor that I had never met before. His name was Dr. Elton and although he was friendly, he did not agree with the surgery.
He considered it too drastic and wanted me to try other methods. YEH RIGHT! Like I haven't tried a billion other
methods already! He ordered some lab work and a chest x-ray and also did and EKG. Everything was relatively normal.
He told me to come back in a week to talk more about the surgery. I came back like he asked, and he STILL avoided the subject.
After four more visits, I decided I better see another doctor to get that referrral. A patient of Dr. Todd's that I met on
his chat board told me about a doctor that she saw that was really wonderful and would have no problem giving me that referral.
So, I called the office and set up an appointment with Dr. Bingham. She was wonderful! I walked out of her exam room after
15 minutes with the referral for my surgery. She has also had the surgery and is a big advocate of it. Sure was a lot easier
than trying to convice the other doctor that I NEEDED THIS!
JANUARY 2002- Had my
appointment with Dr. Todd today. Everything went really good. I talked with Elizabeth who is the insurance biller and she
stated that it might take a few months for Medicaid to approve my surgery. I really hope that it doesn't take too long and
that everything goes ok with it. I am in school right now, so I couldn't have the surgery right now if I wanted to anyway.
But, hopefully I will be able to this summer.
JUNE 3, 2002-
I GOT APPROVED!!!!!!!!!!! I am so happy that I don't know what to do! My insurance was billed in January, and it seems like
it has been a pretty long wait, but well worth it! This is right up there with one of the happiest days of my life. I
still have to get a colonoscopy done and some blood work...but besides that, I am pretty much done...and then I get my date!
I am hoping for surgery in July or August. That would be so great! Well...I will keep you updated.
JUNE 26, 2002-
I got my surgery date today!!! It is set for July 23rd! I just can't believe it is almost my turn! I am so excited and I thank
the Lord everyday for his blessing on me! I will update later, as my surgery gets closer.
JUNE 29, 2002-
I am driving myself crazy already counting down the days until my surgery! I am so nevous that something my happen that will
prevent me from having the surgery. Call me paranoid...but it is so hard for me to believe that I am really doing this!!!
I am so excited! I can't wait until this time next year when I will be able to wear a pair of shorts or short sleeved shirt
without feeling embarrassed about how fat I look. WOW! The idea just amazes me. Thank you so much to Dr. Todd for being here
in Alaska and helping me make my dreams come true. I know this surgery is just a tool, and not a miracle, but for the first
time in my life...I have real hope of leading a NORMAL LIFE. THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!
JULY 5th, 2002-
I went out to dinner with my husband tonight. We went to Stuart Anderson's Cattle Company (my favorite restaruant) My 26th
birthday is August 1st, and since I am having the surgery on the 23rd of July, we decided to celebrate a little earlier this
year. In essence, it was my last "big meal" out. I have to start my low carb diet in four days to help shrink my liver
before the surgery. So life as I know it (at least my diet), will change forever soon. I am looking forward to it though!
My surgery date is approaching fast!
JULY 10th, 2002-
I am now officially on my low carb pre-surgery diet. I already miss the junk food I want! HA HA! I have been spending a lot
of time reading over everyone's questions and answers on obesityhelp.com to try and prepare myself for the surgery. I ventured
to the WLS Memorial board and cried for an hour. I knew that I should have never clicked on it. Just made me really sad
for the familes who lost their loved ones, and made me worry for myself! But, like someone said...would you never get in a
car again just because there are some fatal car crashes sometimes? Admittedely, I am scared to death that something bad will
happen to me and my four little kids will be left without a Mommy. But, then I remind myself of how terribly unhealthy I am
by carrying all this extra weight. I won't be alive to see my chidren graduate from high school or to see my grandchildren
at the rate I am going. They deserve to have me around for a really long time. I just have to keep putting my trust in the
Lord and believe that he will take care of me and my family. It is so amazing how many issues this surgery brings up in your
life. I am nervous, excited, happy, weepy, scared...you name it! But most of all...I am READY! I just want to get this
surgery done and make the most of my new life. Talk later....
JULY 12th, 2002-
I decided I should take some of my measurments before I get my surgery. I don't want to concentrate on just the number on
the scales. I plan on working out a lot, and muscle weighs more than fat....so it is important to count inches too. You can
check out my current measurements on the "About Me" page!
July 15th, 2002-
8 more days left until my surgery!!! YIPEE!
Ughh! It is now 6:40pm...and I just got back from checking my mail. I got a letter
from Dr.McCray's office stating that the small bowel follow up I had on 6/26 came back abnormal. It looks as though I have
a "mild narrowing of a segment of small bowel." What ever the heck that means? The letter states I need to have a Cat Scan
to rule out anything major. Great! PLEASE PLEASE don't let this mess up my surgery date!!! I am gonna call first thing in
the morning and schedule the Cat Scan. I hope everything goes ok and this isn't a big deal or doesn't interfer with anything.
Please keep your fingers crossed, and I will keep you updated.
July 17th,2002- I had my Cat Scan
done yesterday morning. I had to drink some lemonade drink with Iodine in it and then wait 45 minutes for it to go through
my system. They then took me back and laid me on the table and injected some medium contrast into a vein in my wrist. It did
not hurt as bad as I thought it would. But right after they injected it, I got the most terrible hot flash you ever had. Every
inch of my body was about 500 degrees! This only lasted for about 2 minutes and then it went away(they told me this was to
be expected and normal.) Then they took the pictures they needed of me. I wanted to get the report right then and take
it down to Dr. Todd, but they said they couldn't do it that fast, but they would call him with the results within a half hour
or so. Well..that never happened. I talked with Dr. Todd's office right before they closed and they still hadn't heard a thing
from radiology. So, I am going to call Dr. Todd's office again tonight before they close to see if they heard anything. I
just want to make sure this is nothing serious that could interfer with my surgery! Basically, I want some peace of mind!
I talked with Sarah in the office and she said not to worry and that her non-medical opinion thought that this was nothing
to fret over. So...I hope she is right. Well...I will update later!
July 17th,2002 1:00pm- Well,
I called the office and asked if they had heard anything from radiology about my Cat Scan. I talked with Ginger who is Dr.Todd's
nurse and she said she would call me right back. When she called me back she had the best news! Nothing was wrong! YAHOO!
Ok,
so now everything is going on as planned. Surgery on Tuesday. Wow, that seems
sooo close now. Only 6 more days! I will update after I see Dr. Todd on Friday for my pre surgery history & physical.
July 19th, 2002- Well, I had my appointment
today. It went well. Dr. Todd was running a bit behind this morning, so I went and got pre registered in admitting for my
surgery. They did some lab work and then I saw the pre-op nurse. After I was all done, I went back and saw Dr. Todd. The appointment
went smoothly My fears of being cancelled for surgery are getting less and less each day. After getting all my instructions
for the day before surgery (the bowel prep YUK!) and all the other stuff I needed to know...It suddenly dawned on me
that this IS REALLY going to happen. Man...I can't even describe the emotions I feel. I don't think I have ever been this
excited for anything. I remember going to get some lab work done 6 months ago at the same place I went today and thinking
to myself that somehow I just wouldn't be THIS lucky. Wow..it felt so good to sit in the same spot knowing that this
is now sooo close! I went shopping at Kmart after we (my Mom and I) were done with all the doctor's and labs and I got some
last minute hospital stuff that I think might be a good idea to have while I am there. ie: A fan, chap stick, a short sleeved
robe, slippers etc...
SO..hopefully I am prepared. I want to try and be as comfortable
as possible during my recovery. Well, I gotta go. I will update one more time before my surgery. And then...I will be updating
as a POST OP!
July 20th, 2002- Well, I had my last
meal. I know I said I had a last meal at Cattle Company with my hubbie...but I decided to have one more "last meal" HAHA!
My Mom and two very good friend's of mine went to La Mex tonight. Man, I ate so much food that I feel like I am going to die.
I should have never done that. UGGH! I ate this huge bean/cheese burrito and then rice, and MORE beans...and lots and lots
of chips and salsa...oh, and did I mention I had desert too? OH yes, a most delicious bannana cheese cake. It was
so good. But, boy...I don't feel good now. I went too far overboard. I don't care if I never eat again at this point! Well...I
won't feel guilty though, because in just a couple short days...it will be no more cheating for me. I can't believe how supportive
my friends and family have been. Not to mention all the people online. I cannot believe what a wonderful WLS community there
is out there. It truly is a blessing. Although we may be miles apart...it is so nice to have people out there who can relate
to what I am going through. It means a lot! Thank you also to Lynne and Shannon for being such good friends and so supportive.
We are gonna look so good this time next year! Ok...I am gonna wrap it up for tonight and write back after my bowel prep is
done. That is...if I can get away from the bathroom!
JULY 31, 2002- Well, I couldn't get
back to the computer after my bowel prep. It did not go too good! I went to the store on the 22nd and purchased two bottles
of the Magnesium Citrate (one was lemon flavored, one was cherrry...they were both pretty nasty) and filled my prescription
for all the antibiotics I had to take that day. I think there was like a total of 10 pills that I had to take. Anyway, it
started to go bad when I got back home and realized that my trailer court had turned off our water because they were doing
repairs on the line. Oh that was not a good thing. Here I was doing a BOWEL PREP...and unable to flush our toilet. I cried
for about 15 minutes and then figured everyone would just have to suffer with a dirty toilet for awhile. What else could I
do? So, from there on out, it went ok until about 10pm. At 10pm, I had to take my last dose of antibiotics. I was feeling
slightly quesy at this time, because of the empty stomach, bowel prep drink, and all the medication, but I was doing ok. At
midnight, I woke up and violenty started throwing up. This continued non stop all night. My Mom called Dr. Todd at 2 am and
asked him if this was normal. He stated that it could happen to some people and that I just had to get through it. I cannot
even begin to describe just how sick I was. By 6 am, I wanted to die. I also figured this was a bad omen for my surgery and
I seriously considered backing out more than once! We called the office again as soon as they opened up and begged them to
give me something for the vomiting and nausea. They told me to check in at the hospital and they would order some anti-nausea
medication to get things under control before the surgery at 1pm. We got there, and it literally took three shots
of the anti nausea medication to kick in.
It never fully went away, but it did help. I was actually looking foward to being
put under so that the pain would stop. At about 12pm, the anesthesiologist came in and gave me a shot of something called
versid to calm my nerves down. This did not have much effect on me to be honest. I still felt the same after it was done.
But, even though I was really nervous, I was still forging ahead. He explained the anesthesia risks and I tried to ignore
them. I didn't want to hear them all. Then, I rested for a bit more and tried to relax. My Mom and husband were in the room.
My mom was reading a book and occassionally giving me nods and smiles. My supportive husband feel asleep and really wasnt
much help. HAHA. At 1:15 pm, they finally came in to wheel me off to surgery. I was so scared that I wanted to cry...but I
managed to keep it under control. All I remember after that was them putting a mask over my mouth and nose and telling me
to breath deeply...after that, I woke up in the recovery room. Man, I was in pain. I guess I called out for my "Mommy" (which
I don't remember doing!) and cried a lot. Luckily, they had me hooked up to a nice handy dandy morphine pump. I took full
advantage of it! I feel asleep again, and then did not wake up again until I was in my room upstairs. I had tubes coming out
of me everywhere. My IV was in my neck, I had three different tubes and various bags hanging out of my stomach and one hanging
between my legs ( the foley catheter) I was so uncomfortable!!! I tried to sleep a lot, but I found it pretty difficult even
despite the morphine. I am a stomach sleeper normally...so the sleeping on my back really killed my back and neck muscles.
I was so stiff. I cannot believe all the bruises I had too. My abdomen had so many of them, as well as my breasts, thighs,
and even my butt! I looked like I had been run over by a truck. Basically I looked pretty terrible. On day two in the
hospital, they removed the Foley Catheter and I soon discovered that I could not urinate on my own. I tried everything, but
nothing would come out. This got to be pretty painful, because the IV was pumping all this water into me...and I had no way
to get rid of it. Not to mention the terrible bladder pressure. The nurses told me that the anesthesia had put my bladder
to sleep. GREAT! So, needless to say, they had to keep catheterizing me to empty my bladder. Not a fun thing. On top
of everything else, I started my period a week early. Anyway, the hospital stay was really pretty miserable. Most ofmy
nurses were really great, but one of them whom I like to refer to as "Nazi Nurse" insisted that I eat up to 8 ounces of food
before I would get to go home. Yeh, right! I couldn't get down a half of an ounce much less eight! The nurse actually
made me start crying. Well...I never did have to eat the whole 8 ounces. Dr. Todd came in and said I was doing fine as long
as I was getting down enough water. I would say the worse part of everything though was the constant nausea, diarrhea,
and not being able to get comfortable in those hospital beds. I am a stomach sleeper by nature, and I literally have nightmares
when trying to sleep on my back. Of course the pain meds did not help my nightmares....they only made them worse. Not sure
why! Well...in any case...I made it through. I am on the other side. :) I am not sure yet how happy I am about that
yet. I really miss my food already. It is torture. I would do anything in this world for a nice ice cold Sprite. I truly cannot
imagine how people used to survive without soda pop! I guess I will learn how! Until next time...
AUGUST 21, 2002- Well, it has almost
been a month since my surgery. It has gone by pretty fast, but some days seem to crawl by. My incision pain is completely
gone. I am not sore at all anymore and can even sleep again on my stomach. YAHOO! The food issue is a big one though. I wish
I could just eat one day like a normal person! I eat about 4 bites of food a day. I wish I could have more. My mind tells
me it is starving...my body says it is full. I miss food more than I ever imagined possible. I miss the old feeling of stuffing
myself silly and just laying on the couch. I miss munching on cheese puffs while watching television. UGHHHH!!!! Get my point
yet? I MISS MY FOOD! Water is another issue. I am trying so hard to drink a lot of water the way I am supposed to, but
I can't ever seem to get past 30-32 ounces a day. I know I need more though...because I am not peeing much and I really don't
want to get something like Kidney Stones. That would be just rotten. So, each day I make it my goal to get in more water.
Exercise...well, I am getting there. Just cleaning the house and taking care of four little kids keeps me busy enough right
now. I can't imagine doing anymore yet. My energy level is really lame. I get tired so darn easily. I sure hope that
changes. On the best note yet though....DRUM ROLL PLEASE.......I have lost a grand total of 36 pounds since the day of my
surgery! That is more than a pound a day! I am pretty happy about that. I really hope it keeps up at this speed for
awhile longer. My clothes are fitting great, and I can even get into a pair of jeans that were too tight before. I started
at a size 28 and I think I wear about a 24 now. So, that is progress. Well, I will be back to update more later.
September 1, 2002- I seem to have
hit my first pesky little plateau! UGHH! I have been stuck between 255-260 lbs. forever. Well...almost forever. When you have
weight loss surgery and are not losing, 10-12 days seems like forever! Gee, I mean, I am only 6 weeks out. I expected to lose
like crazy for at least 3-4 months. As of yesterday, I have tried to up my water intake, protein intake, and am exercising
30 minutes a day. I am just dancing to music in my house, but until I get my treadmill, that is what I am gonna have to do.
I do not feel ready to join a gym yet, and I just hate walking around my neighborhood (not the best one in town!) So, I am
also trying to eat more. Sound strange? Well, I don't think I am eating enough and I think my body is going into major starvation
mode status. I think I am only averaging about 300-400 calories a day. I was told I need to try to get it up to about 800
at least. Before surgery, that would have been a breeze. But now...it is really tough to get that many in. I get full so easily,
and nothing really appeals to me anymore as far as food goes. For weeks after surgery, I could think about nothing BUT food...and
now, it just repulses me. Some days are better than others I guess. I tried my first salad the other day...and it was absolutely
delicious! But, I ended up getting terrible gas all night from it. So what did I do? I tried it again yesterday night...and
once again I got sick. So, despite the yumminess of it....I wont be trying it again anytime soon. DARN! Right now, I am eating
mostly soups,cheese,baked chicken,and oatmeal. I really wish I enjoyed eating eggs more...because I really need that protein.
Today, I have felt pretty miserable. Just really tired and nauseated. I still did my exercise though...so I am proud of myself.
The housework...well, it didn't get done. HAHA. Oh well...the mess will still be waiting there for me tomorrow.
Am I happy yet that I had this surgery? well...not yet. I am not unhappy either though. Just feel kinda yucky still. Really
wish that weight would come off faster. Then I would be happy. Until next time...
September 3, 2001- WHY CAN'T
I LOSE WEIGHT! UGHHH! I swear I will weigh 259 forever! Am I gonna be one of those terrible wls failures? I pray I am not!
How awlful that would be....and embarassing! I had major surgery to lose weight...and I still couldn't do it. It is definitely
not because I am a pig though. I hardly eat at all...
A fat anorexic. Ok..there is a new one. Well....I really should throw away the
scales. It hates me! I hate it! We have a sick relationship. I weigh at least 5 times a day. HAHA Like my weight is going
to drastically change from 2pm to 5pm. :) Well, a girl can wish right? I am not going to write back until I lose
at least 5 pounds. So...it could be awhile at this rate before I update again. Wish me luck.
September 6, 2002- Ok, so that wasn't
too long was it? **smile** I finally broke that plateau. The scales is moving again. I weighed in today at 254 lbs. I lost
5 lbs in two days! YIPEE! I hope it keeps up, and I don't stop for another two weeks. I am trying to exercise a lot. Today,
I spent half the day cleaning our yard and our family car out. I can't believe how much garbage we had in our car! Anyway,
I just wanted to share the very good news. I am feeling pretty happy tonight. Update you all later.
September 12,2002- I bought
a pair of size 20 jeans today...AND THEY FIT! YAHOO! :) I weighed in this morning at a little under 249. Not too bad. I also
started my tanning today and had my eyebrows waxed. I am on a self improvement mission this week! **smile** The tanning felt
so good. I think my body is craving sunlight. Anyway, just wanted to check in. I am doing good. Eating is getting better
each day, and so is drinking. I can take three full gulps without it hurting! I had lemon pepper baked chicken and steamed
broccoli w/cheese sauce for dinner. It was delcious! It is so strange to bake bread and not even eat it anymore. But my family
still enjoys it. Well, enough for now, I will update again in a few days.
September 14th, 2002- Well, I took my measurements
again today. It is hard to believe that I have truly lost all those inches. My self doubting tells me that I measured completely
off base the first time....because there is no way I was THAT big! It is so cool that the inches are just melting away.
I only have to lose another 20 pounds and I will weigh what I did before I ever had children. That will be exciting to see
225 lbs. again. And when I get to the 100's again, I am going to have a major celebration! I still think I need to start eating
a little more though. Yesterday, all I had was two string cheese's and some orange juice. I did not feel hungry at all. I
am going to try harder today to get some calories in.
I also really feel like exercising today, and I think measuring myself gives
me the motivation. I see the inches falling off, and I just want to exercise that much more. Well, I gotta get going. Kids
are calling me! Talk later...
September 17th, 2002- I feel really terrible today!
I went tanning last night and stayed under the lights for too long and I am red as a lobster. **SOB** And everytime
I have tried to eat today, I felt sick and nauseous. I really didn't make very good food choices though. I actually ate one
of those little lunch bags of Dorito's. Big mistake. I have felt like crap ever since. All I want is a nice long hot shower
and I can't because it would kill my sunburn. :( I just feel all around yucky. I feel hungry, but nothing sounds
good. I did really miserable on my water intake today now that I think of it. That could be part of the reason I feel so lousy.
I think I have only had like 20 ounces today. Better get started on some more in a minute. Didn't lose any weight this morning...oh
well. Probably hitting another plateau, or that time of the month is approaching once again. I think I am going to go pour
some apple cider vinegar on my sunburn (my mom said it would sooth it and keep it from peeling) and then tuck myself into
bed with a book and maybe some sugar free hot chocolate. Maybe I will feel better tomorrow. I sure hope so. Talk then...
September 22,2002- Well, I weighed in right at 240
pounds this morning before breakfast. My BMI is now at 39.9 which puts me out of the "morbidly obese" category and into "severely
obese" category. HAHA. Doesn't sound a whole lot better to be honest, but I am glad that "morbid" is no longer attatched to
me. I am doing good and feel good for the most part. I still have a lot of nausea which I could stand to lose, but I suppose
it is worth it. I definitely need to eat more, because I KNOW I am not eating enough. Some days, I just have a cracker or
two and that is it. I just don't feel hungry anymore. I find that I really enjoy yogurt a lot, so I had my husband go and
buy me a couple containers of it, and I am going to try to eat at least one a day. I also haven't exercised for the past few
days. I just haven't been in the mood to do it. I need to get back on the ball. I can't wait until I find a treadmill that
I can afford and that I like. I think it will really help me to exercise more. Anyway, I just wanted to share the good news.
I have a doctor's appointment on Wednesday the 25th with my surgeon and I am hoping I can get to 235 pounds by then. That
is only 3 days away, so I seriously doubt it...but I can hope. I made myself a goal that I would try and lose at least 15
pounds a month. The first month I lost 36 and the second month which just ended today, I lost 19 altogether. So far so good.
I know it will get harder and harder to keep that up though, so the exercise really is a must. But if I can accomplish this,
I will be under 200 pounds by Christmas which would be so wonderful. Have a great day everyone... PS- My sunburn is gone and
I have turned a nice golden brown. **smile** Time to go back and tan some more...just will have to be a little more careful
this time!
September 23, 2002- Officially two months out
from surgery as of today!!! Weighed in at 239 when I got up, and then weighed again 5 seconds later and it said 240. UGGH.
I am so close! Only 15 pounds away from what I weighed as a senior in high school! I CANT WAIT! I have a pair of size 18 jeans
just calling me to wear them, and I think after another 15 pounds they will actually fit me! :)
Not having a very good day besides that. Feel queasy and just yucky today. All
I have had to eat are a few Better Cheddar Crackers. Nothing else looked remotely appetizing. I made my little boys some Chicken
Lean Cusine and I about threw up when I smelt it. BLAHH! Will I ever enjoy food again? I really wish I never had to eat again
right now. I dread each and every single meal. Something will sound so delicious, and then it tastes just rotten. It is really
driving my hubbie crazy. I send him to the store like I am pregnant and having cravings. Yet, when I get it up to my mouth,
I am like, "Yuk...I didn't really want this!" He is getting tired of the store runs! Well, that is about all that
is going on today. It has been a bummer so far. My son missed his bus to school, so I had two kids home today and was unable
to get my "quiet" time. And, it is pouring rain outside right now and I have to go pick up the girls from school. OH FUN!
Talk later...
September 25, 2002- I
went in for a check up today at Dr.Todd's office. Everything looks pretty good. I am officially down to 245lbs. (with jeans
and a sweatshirt on on) So, it is really about 242 lbs. That is still higher than what my scales here at home says.
My scales says around 239-240 without clothes. Oh well. It will be down there for sure soon. Bill (one of the nurses) is
worried that I may have a vitamin B1 deficiency. My arms, hands, feet and legs have been tingling a lot. Almost like they
are always falling asleep. He said the next sign would be ringing in the ears and eyesight problems. So, I am definitely going
to take care of this. I am going to go to GNC today and buy some vitamins. I am also going to look and see if I can find a
protein shake I like. Still having problems with finding one I can tolerate. Well, that is about it. I go in next week for
another check up to see if the tingling is any better. Oh, and it was a pretty good morning too. Seems, the office could tell
I had lost some weight! **smile** I was starting to feel that way too until I looked at the picture of Dr. Todd and
me. I think I still look exactly the same now. UGHH!!!
Well, talk later. :)
September 27, 2002- Well, it appears
that I have hit yet another dreaded plateau. The scales is staying between 239-242 depending on how I stand on it. HAHA.
Very depressing. I really want to get to 230 soooo bad. It seems so close yet so far away! I am going to really drink a lot
of water today and try to get some exercise in. I am also going to call some local swimming pools around here and see if I
can start swimming. As much as I hate the idea of wearing a swimsuit, I really think that type of exercise would be great
for me. Oh, I found a food too that I LOVE. I had a half of cheese enchalada from a Mexican Restaurant here in town and it
was so wonderful. It went down great, stayed down and tasted heavenly. I wanted to eat the whole thing so bad, but there
was no way. I could barely get down half of it. I also had a few corn chips with salsa...not a good choice, but I really wanted
them and didn't feel like 3 chips would be that harmful to me. Today, I haven't had anything yet. Nothing sounds good. I am
just drinking my water and debating on what I should eat as my first meal. I am gettting a little tired of yogurt.
Anyway, just checking in. Really wish the weight loss would speed up. There is
a guy that also sees my surgeon that had his surgery a little over two months ago and is already down 100 pounds! Granted,
he is a man and probably weighed more than me to begin with...but I still compare myself. Really dumb I know. I have lost
50 pounds in 8 weeks...which is almost a pound a day. What more could I ask for? I am just being impatient. Ok, Talk later...
October 1, 2002- Well, I did hit
another plateau. The scales refuses to move. I am so depressed. I don't understand why I keep hitting these plateaus. I really
honestly thought it would just melt away the first four months or so. I didn't realize how much work (exercise) I was going
to have to do to keep the weight loss going! I mean, my weight loss isn't bad or anything...in fact, it is quite good. I just
feel depressed when nothing seems to happen for a week or two. I did my measurments again today, and the inch loss has
really started to slow down too. At least I lost a few more though. I found an exercise buddy on Dr. Todd's support board.
Her name is Heather and she is the same age as me. We plan on doing water aerobics together a few times a week. I am very
aprehensive to put on a swim suit, but I am going to do it anyway. I have to admit, I have been slipping up just a bit. I
had some nachos w/cheese on it from Taco Bell yesterday night. I only had 5 or 6 nachos at the most, but I still feel a little
guilty about it. If I want to get off this plateau I need to cut things like that out. Also, the water issue is another problem.
I KNOW I dont drink enough. It is just so hard because I am not that thirsty anymore. I actually foget to drink! I did a Ketosis
Strip yesterday, and I am still in the moderate color range. So, at least that is showing up good. Well, I gotta get going.
The children are demanding my attention! Until next time...
October 5, 2002- I think I
finally broke another plateau. The scales seems to be moving again. I saw Dr. Todd last Wednesday and his scales read 241
lbs. My scales says 237lbs. today. As long as it keeps moving down, I will be happy! When I hit 235 lbs. at Dr. Todd's
I will offically be down 60 pounds from the time of surgery. If I go from my top weight of 301, I already am down that much.
That makes me pretty happy. My next big goal is 225 though. I am really not too far from that. My eating is getting a lot
better. I can pretty much have whatever I want (minus the sugar and soda pop) This morning, I had an Eggo Waffle with some
sugar free boysenberry jelly on it. It tasted wonderful! Nothing really makes me feel too sick, unless I eat too fast
or too much at once. I am getting the hang of it now though. It is nice to have control over food finally. I can easily push
away a plate of left over food when I am full and not feel compelled to keep eating. That is a big change. Before, I hated
to leave anything on my plate. I do feel like I waste a lot of food, but I think it is worth it not to add on the extra pounds.
Another thing I do notice more now though is that I want to go grocery shopping a lot and buy a ton of food I know that I
will never eat. I am not sure why. Part of me still misses that old comfort I think! Hopefully, that will pass too. I have
to admit I am feeling so much better about myself. I don't feel like everyone is staring at me anymore. I mean, 300 pounds
is getting up there and it is so easy to feel like a freak. I am starting to feel almost normal again. I mean, I have
a long ways to go...but at least I can dress up and feel like I look at least decent now. I think people are starting
to notice, but don't really say anything to me about it yet. When I mentioned to both my doctor and dentist that I had had
gastric bypass, they were like, "Oh yeh, I thought you looked a lot thinner!" I think a lot of people feel uncomfortable
bringing up weight issues. Especially, if you are still "obese." I think the next 60 or 70 pounds, will bring about
a big change in attitudes. I am excited! My exercise is the only thing that I am lacking on. I really gotta get going more
on it. Some days I do ok, others I do absolutely nothing. This is no excuse, but taking care of four kids and a husband is
so tiring! I do need to get going on it though. Well, only a few more days and I will have my treadmill. I think that will
help me tremendously. Ok, time to get going on my daily chores. Talk later...
October 7, 2002- I got on the scales
this morning and I lost two more pounds! I now weigh 234-235 lbs. Even the clothes that were too small a month ago, FIT NOW!
YEH! Actually, most of my old clothes are literally falling off of me! It feels so good. And, I measured myself again last
night, and it appears that I have dropped another couple of inches since the last time I measured. This is just so wonderful!
My eating is going ok, I think I am able to eat quite a bit more than I could a month ago. I usually get in at least 2-3 meals
in a day and a small snack. I feel like I am doing pretty good. I still haven't been daring enough to try sugar. My husband
opened up a coke the other night, and man...I came so close to taking a drink of it. It looked so good! But, I am proud to
say...that I didnt. I hope the self control keeps up. I don't want to find out that I can eat sugar w/o getting
sick.
Anyway, just wanted to share the weight loss! I am feeling pretty good. I have
a goal of 199 by Christmas. I think I will get there, as I still have almost three months and only 35 pounds to go. Talk later...
October 15, 2002- I weighed
in at 230 lbs this morning! YEH! Now, my next big goal is to get to 220. I figure goals of 10 pound increments is easier than
saying, "I still have 80 pounds to lose!" HAHA.
I am feeling really good lately. I ate some Frito corn chips and bean dip the
other night before I went to bed. A BIG no-no. I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't stop throwing up. I don't
think I will ever do that again! But, besides that, the eating is going really good. I had Chinese food last night and
it went down great. I even had a few bites of rice, and it didn't cause any problems at all. My weight loss is starting to
really show now I think. My hubbie was rubbing my legs and he commented that he could really tell they were getting a lot
smaller. I also went to an event for my daughter's this past weekend, and a few people who didn't even know I had surgery
commented on my weight loss. That made me feel so great. I was starting to get a complex that only people who knew I had surgery
could tell I had lost weight. But, apparently that is no longer true. Some people would look at me kinda funny, because I
think they could tell something was really different...but still were not 100% sure of what that difference was yet. Anyway,
I still need to really get on the ball with my exercise. I am supposed to look at a treadmill soon and see if I want it. I
hope I do. I really need one! I have an appointment with Dr. Todd next Tuesday, a week from today. I am hoping that I can
weigh around 228 or so on his scales by then. I weighed 241 at my last visit. Well, I better be going. Talk Later...
October 20, 2002- Well, my husband
and I celebrated our second year anniversary today. My step dad took all four kids, and we got to go out and have a good time
together. Mostly...we just shopped! It was nice though to get away from the kids for awhile. Granted, I love them dearly,
but a break every once in awhile can be quite a wonderful and needed thing. I weighed in at 229 lbs. today. Give or take a
few. It seems the numbers fluctuate often. I know Dr. Todd's scales tends to weigh higher...but I really
like mine better. HAHA. I am getting much better about not weighing so much. I am only weighing about twice a day
compared to my previous ten times or more a day. So...progress is being made! Right now, I seem to comfortably fit into
a size 18 jeans (16 if they have some stretch to them) and 1x top. That is from a size 28 jeans and 3x top...so
I am so happy! I am really looking forward to getting into a size 12 and out of the "plus" or "woman" section!
Oh...and I got a treadmill today! YEH! It only cost $50 and it seems to do ok. I walked a mile and a half on it tonight.
I think I could have done a lot more, but I dont want to over do it too soon and be too sore tomorrow to do anything.
So, I will start with that, and work up. I really like it though. I think it will help out so much in the exercise department.
It also makes me drink more water, since I get thirsty while exercising. Both good things to improve upon!
Anyway, I better get going. I added some new pictures to my sight, one is a full length picture on me, which I am very proud
of. It is a picture where I can tell I have finally lost weight. YIPPEE! Have a great day or night everyone! Talk
Later...
October 29, 2002- I really wish the
weight would start coming off as fast as it did the first month! I am so impatient! My scales said 225 lbs. this morning.
But, my scales is always off a few pounds compared to Dr. Todd's. I really wish I could just get to 219. That sounds
so much better! I feel like I am starting to eat too much, but in reality I probably am not. I think I get around 600-700
calories a day. My biggest problem is that I eat too fast...and then get sick and have to throw up. Some days I do fine..and
others I dont do good at all. If I let myself get too hungry...I eat too fast. I really like eating soups. I like to eat the
Won Ton soup that the little Chinese Restaruant down the road makes. :) It really satisfies me. My clothes are
getting very large on me. I am so happy about that. Looking at them now, I just cant believe how terribly huge I was. That
depresses me a little. At least I am finally on the right track now. Well...gotta get going. Just wanted to post my weight
for today here, so that I can compare later. I know I am losing...but today...it just doesnt feel like it. Have a great day...
November 3, 2002- Well, I have been
having a pretty good week as far as weight loss goes. I weighed on my scales this morning, and it said 219 lbs!!! Gosh, I
am only 19 pounds away from being able to say I weigh ONE SOMETHING!!! And only 18 pounds away from the century mark.
Wow! I am feeling so good to. I feel pretty good physically and emotionally great too. I love to get up in the morning
and get dressed and do my hair and makeup. Before, I would just set around in my robe all day with messy hair! But now, I
like looking nice. I even painted my tonails the other day! My friend Molly came over and gave me an old pair of jeans that
she couldnt wear anymore (she has lost weight too) and I acutally got into them! I am wearing between a 16-18 pants...depending
on who made them. I wear an XL shirt or a 1X. My bra size has gone down from a 44D to a 38D. I still haven't lost
much cup size. OH well! I would really like to be in a 36C. That would be great. But, I will take what I get. Anyway,
I just wanted to share the weight loss. I am so happy the scales is moving faster these past few days. I really needed the
pick me up. Talk in a few days...
December 13, 2002- Well, it has been
more than a few days since I last updated. I have been pretty busy and just haven't found much time to sit down at the computer.
Anyway, things are going ok. I weighed in at 208.5 pounds this morning. I feel like my weight loss is really slowing down...but
I also feel like I eat way more than I did at the start. I can tolerate almost anything, and in pretty decent sized portions.
I would say that I eat about the same amounts as my two year old does. I am not sure if that is too much or not. Anyway, my
hair also started falling out a few weeks ago. Not just a little...A LOT! I am down to about 1/2 of what I had originally.
At first I was devastated and cried almost every day about it, but I am getting used to it now. I am considering having it
cut short so that I dont have long strands of hair stuck to my back all day long. I hate that! I just like and prefer long
hair, so I would hate to have to grow it all back out again. But, I suppose if there isn't anything left, it wouldn't really
matter would it? Oh well! I would rather be bald than be morbidly obese. No question there. You can hide baldness with
wigs, but you just can't hide over 100 pounds of fat. I also had my first diet soda the other day. Oh...it tasted like
absolute heaven! I felt terribly guilty about drinking it though, but it didn't seem to cause me any trouble at all.
No burping, no gas, nothing. The only side effect that I noticed, was that my appetite increased that day. So, if that is
what it causes, I will need to be careful. I figured one diet soda a week would be a nice treat though. Well...that
is about it. Just getting ready for Christmas and thanking the Lord for all my blessings. I am happy I had the surgery now
at least 90% of the time. I really hope I can get to 199 lbs. by the new year. That is my next goal. I have to lose 8-9 pounds
in 2 weeks though....so I am going to have to work harder. Talk soon...
December 24, 2002- I hit my 5 month
anniversary yesterday. I just can't believe it has been that long since I had surgery. It still seems like almost yesterday.
Things are going good. I weighed in at 205 lbs. this morning. I do wish it would come off faster, but it seems to be going
slower and slower. I am going to try to cut back on my carb intake to see if that helps speed it up. I don't realistically
think that I am going to lose 6 more pounds by New Years. It would be nice, but very doubtful. I guess I am getting a little
scared that at this rate, I will never make it to my goal of 140 lbs. I pray every night that I will though! Even if
I did lose an average of 10 lbs. a month, I would stay pretty happy! That would put me at my goal weight by June or July.
I can't imagine being thin this coming summer! Well, it is Christmas Eve, so I have to go. Our family is going out to dinner
and then we are going to come back and watch Christmas movies. All the Christmas candy looks so delicious...but I am going
to stay strong and pass it up! Have a great day everyone. Until next time...
December 28, 2002- This morning I
weighed in at 203 lbs. I am happy the scales is moving again, but it is sooooooooo SLOW!!!! It will take me 20 years to get
to my goal weight and this rate! I really need to get with it and start doing what I should. I have been so bad. I haven't
been overeating or eating candy or sugar...but I haven't exactly been doing so great either. I really need to get my protein
intake up and increase my daily water intake as well. We won't even TALK about exercise! HAHA. I really lack in that area.
I know wls is a tool...and I need to start using it correctly for it to work properly. I am going to cut back on my carbs
starting today and really try to increase my protein. I am also going to force myself to exercise at least 20 min today. When
school starts in a few weeks, I will have to exercise, because I signed up for P.E. classes. Hopefully that will help. I am
so depressed that I most likely will not be 199 lbs. by New Years. I am still trying to do it, but it so unlikely. I will
keep you updated though! Bye for now...
December 29, 2002- Weighed 202 lbs.
this morning! YEH! If I keep losing a pound a day, I will make it to 199 lbs. by New Years! Seriously doubtful...but possible
I suppose! I am still having trouble noticing the weight loss on myself. Others say that they can see it...I guess my brain
just hasn't caught up with the changes in my body yet. I do feel better though...both emotionally and physically. I will hold
up an XL shirt or even a normal Large shirt...and think "this will never fit me!" and then I put it on...and surprise! IT
DOES! I really like that so much! I am starting to feel very good about myself...which it has been a long time since I have.
My New Years Resolution every year is ALWAYS to lose weight. Well...I am already doing that, so this year it is going to be
different. I am going to make a resolution to stop being so critical of myself. Instead of telling myself that I am fat, ugly,
dumb, etc...I am going to tell myself that I am getting thin, pretty, and smart. I know I am my own worst enemy when
it comes to my self esteem. I need to stop that. It just makes me feel like crap for no reason. And I am also going to stop
comparing myself to others. I have to be happy with who I am and make the most of my life. I feel sorry for myself way too
much. Well..that is it for tonight. I am really working on that last 3 pounds for my New Years goal. I have really cut back
on the carbs and snacks the past few days. It seems to be helping. I have also really increased my water intake...which also
seems to help. Nothing I didn't know before! HAHA. Until next time....
January 8, 2003- Happy New Year!!!
This morning I weighed in at 198 lbs. I am finally in the 100's!!! It feels really good. I am doing fairly good on my low
carb diet. It was hard at first, but is getting easier with each day that passes by. I am trying to limit my carbs to 30 grams
a day or under that. Most days I am right on target. I am a little bummed that I feel like I have to "diet" still. Actually,
I am trying to look at it as a high protein diet...and that makes me feel better. I really need the protein anyway. I decided
that I would go 5 days on low carb and then for two days out of each week I would go ahead and have some more carbs if I wanted.
That way, I don't feel like I am depriving myself. We will see how it goes. The weight loss seems to be starting again though...and
that makes me happy. My next big goal is to get to 185 lbs. That is what I weighed my Freshman year of High School. Right
now, I weigh what I did in the 11th grade. Well...I will keep you updated. Bye for now.
January 14, 2003- I weighed in at
195 lbs. this morning. Hey...at least the scales is moving! Strange too...because, I slipped up on my low carb diet and have
been pretty much eating what I want. I mean, I haven't been a big pig or anything, but I haven't exactly been counting every
calorie or carb either! I am happy though. I am going to really try hard to get to 189 lbs. That will feel good! I seem to
fit into all size 14 pants now. I can even get into some 12's and 10's depending on what brand they are. I still wear some
1x tops, but mostly I can get into just XL or Large tops now. That is so strange for me! I bought an XL t-shirt yesterday
at the University and I brought it home and found out that it was actually too big. I should have just gotten the Large. How
exciting is that? HAHA. Well, today is my first day of classes for this semester. I am looking forward to it. I am hoping
that being in class and having to do homework and stuff will keep my mind of dieting and food and such so much. I am also
looking foward to seeing how I fit in those tiny little desks. Last year, it was a pretty snug fit. Well, I gotta get going.
I will update later!
January 22, 2003- Can we say PLATEAU
CITY!!!! UGGHHHHH! That is all I have to say tonight. :(
February 3, 2003- This morning I
weighed 189 pounds. The weight still keeps fluctuating. I think lower numbers are on the horizon..but not yet there. I
am not as happy as I thought I would be about being below the 190's. I am glad...but not estatic. It is so close to 200 lbs.
still and that scares me. My next goal is 179. 179 is what I weighed right before my 9th grade year.THen my next goal will
be 165 lbs. That is what I weighed in the 7th/8th grade. When I finally get to 145 lbs, that will be as small as I EVER remember
being. I know my goal says 150 lbs. but I am starting to rethink that. That is only 39 pounds away from what I weigh now...and
I am still really fat. I don't think 39 pounds will cure it either. I am thinking that perhaps 120-125 pounds is a better
goal for me. But, I would still be content with anything under 150lbs. I think. We will have to see how I feel if EVER get
there in the first place. HAHA. Well, I started seeing a counselor. I saw a man named Dr. Evans a few days ago, and it went
ok. He gave me some medicine called Wellbutrin. It is an antidepressent. I haven't taken it yet though, because I don't think
I am depressed. I have heard that it can help with weight loss, so that is a bonus and maybe just taking it for that reason
alone. I start seeing my new therapist next week. I am a little nervous, because I am not that good at talking to complete
strangers about personal stuff. But I know that I probably do need help with my body image. My body image really sucks. My
self esteem is getting lower than it was BEFORE surgery. Why? Well..hopefully they will figure that out! Well...I
will update later. Hopefully I will lose a few more pounds between now and then....
February 27, 2003- Weighed in at
185 this morning. Wow...it sure is slowing way down. I can't believe I was complaining before about losing so slow...because
now I truly am, and it just sucks. And I am trying harder than I was before to lose it. My body just seems to like the 180's
I think. I stepped on the scales yesterday night and it said 182 lbs...and I about freaked out. Then, stepped on it again
and it was back up to 185. I may need to change the battery on it. Anyway, things are going good. I am eating good...and mostly
able to tolerate anything. Some days I feel like I pig out...and ohter days I don't eat much at all. It just depends a lot
on my moods or how hungry I may feel that day. Anyway, I went out the other day and gave my driver's license to a lady at
the check out counter to get ciggarettes for a friend...and she did a double take when she saw my ID. She said, "Wow..you
have lost a lot of weight, it doesn't even look like you anymore." :) That made my day...
I suppose I will get a new license soon, because people are not going to believe
it's really me. As far as clothes go, I am fitting into all different sizes. But, for the most part, a Large Top and size
10-12 bottom works. I never thought I would see those sizes again ever, so I am quite pleased. These last 30 pounds though
are being extra stubborn. Well, I gotta get going. Until next time...
July 28, 2006
Ok...It has been absolutely FOREVER since I last posted.
I know....years! My life has been so absolutely busy and hectic that I just lost track of time. So much has happened!
Since I last posted, I have had two more children! I gave birth to a beautiful little boy October 26, 2003 that I named Jacob
Connor and then I had another little boy September 18, 2005 that I named Owen Christopher. (that makes SIX kids now! 2 girls
and 4 boys!) They are all great and beautiful and healthy. I however, have had quite a few health problems these past
few years. I have spent a lot of time in hospitals. After I had each baby, I lost a lot of blood and had to be transfused
quite a bit. Luckily though, I haven't had another blood transfusion for about 8 months. I also had a hysterectomy due to
my anemia problems. I don't mind that too much, actually I sort of enjoy not having to suffer each month! In the winter
of 2003, I became seperated from my husband and became divorced in the summer of 2004. That was a really difficult time to
say the least! Probably the worst time of my life. I think wls changed me a lot as a person and I just wasn't the same person
I was before the surgery. I think we probably would have divorced regardless though. In any case, life deals us some
funny things, because my husband and I are now back together. We haven't remarried yet, but have been going strong for quite
awhile, especially with the new baby. I found out in my heart that even though I wasn't the same person, I still loved
him deeply and wanted him in my life. My love hadn't changed all that much. My lowest weight was achieved during the process
of my divorce (go figure) at a weight of 136 lbs. It was about my only highlight during this time. I wasn't eating anything
though and I was so stressed out with all my children, no job, living in a shelter etc. that food just got completley forgotten
about. It would be like 4 days before I had even realized that I hadn't eaten anything! However, when I did start eating and
living normal...it seems liked my body just wanted to weigh 150-155 lbs. I hate it personally. I love weighing between 140-145.
It is just really hard for me to maintain that without starving. I was reading my journal for the first time in years and
I almost wanted to laugh. I actually feel chubby at 150 and huge at 160...yet in my journal....I just go on and on about how
I would LOVE to weigh these numbers. haha! Boy, do our minds change or what! I probably could get down to where
I wanted....if I actually did things correctly. I have to admit...I cheat...A LOT!! I pretty much eat anything and everything.
Still...I can't eat a ton of food, but I certainly don't always choose the right foods. Old habits are sure hard to break!
Every day, I tell myself I am going to get back on track...and by 10am...I am so far off the track that I just give up. Sometimes
I get mad because I thought that wls was magic and I would never have to diet again. WRONG. I know....I know....they warn
you and tell you all of this before hand, but for me it just went in one ear and right out the other. I just wanted to be
skinny and that was that! When people say I cheated to lose weight or that I took the "easy way out" I get so mad! I
still feel like I did before...I still get hungry like everyone else....I still crave junk food...and on top of everything...everyone
is WATCHING me to see if I screw up and get fat again! Ugghhh. I guess though that I am considered a "success" story,
but I really don't feel like I am. I am thrilled at not being obese anymore...that is wonderful. I would do it all over again.
But it isn't without its own set of problems, both emotional and physical. When I lost the weight I started going out a lot
more...men looked at me more. That was really wierd. Since I had been fat my whole life....I never really learned how to handle
guys. Men always wanted to dance and flirt with my skinny friends...NOT ME! I got used to sitting on the sidelines my whole
life. Then to be suddenly thrown into the "lions den" is a little unsettling. I felt like a blushing, simpering, giggling
13 year old girl with her first crush every time a man even talked with me. Geez. Part of this is what got me my divorce.
I ended up with another man and I thought he would be better for me than my husband. BIG MISTAKE. It only took me a year to
realize it. LIVE AND LEARN! Now, I am settled in with my family. Still watching my weight like a hawk. I am on a "diet" right
now and trying to lose 10 or so pounds before the Gala. I am very excited to go this year. My family and I plan
on moving to Oregon to be with my Mom and the rest of my family in November. I am so excited. I love Alaska, but I can't wait
to start something new and move on with my life. Right now, my husband and six little kids all live in a tiny trailer with
hardly no yard and right beside a major highway. It just isn't working out. We hope to get a bigger place down there
where our kids can run and play and just be kids. It is out in the country and very clean and nice. My schooling has
been put on hold for now. I really want to go back, but the expense of it just is getting too high and the time to do it just
isn't there right now. I am seriously considering becoming a paralegal now. I seem to have a knack for law and enjoy it. I
am also starting to write a book about wls and my story. It is going to be titled "An Altered Anatomy" I am hoping to finish
it within a year. Maybe I will get lucky and have it published! Anyhow...that is the scoop for now. I am going to try and
keep my site updated. It makes me feel good to get my thoughts out. I also want to start keeping track of my weight loss again.
Until next time....(hopefully before 2009!) LOL...
August 7, 2006- Well...I turned 30 years old on the 1st! Wow! I can't believe I am that
old. It just seems like yesterday that I was turning 16. Well, time does fly! I started my new "diet" yesterday. I lost almost
3 pounds in one day! YEH! I am trying to keep my calories below 1200, my carbs below 30, and my protein above 60. I did pretty
good. I got my protein up to 89 grams, but I went over on my carbs a little. You would think with gastric bypass, it would
be easy to diet. Well...after four years, it gets tougher. It is almost like the old days. I still get hungry and I still
really have to struggle NOT to eat the "bad" stuff. I have a soft spot for breads and sweets. Yes...I can still eat ALL bread
products and almost any sweets. I was one of the unlucky few who really never dumped too bad. At least not bad enough to keep
me away from what I should stay away from! HAHA. Anyhow, I also started exercising. I walked/jogged 2.30 miles yesterday.
I would like to eventually get up to 5 miles...but I am pretty happy with my start. A couple years ago, I would not have even
been able to crawl a half mile! Well...besides that, not much is happening. I have been feeling a little down and depressed
lately. I am not sure why...I guess that is just life. Until Next Time...
